Fixing the Feng Shui in My Shorts Excerpt

Fixing the Feng Shui in My ShortsSometimes pets and animals can be a pain in the ass. And when they are, I let everybody know about it. I post about it on Facebook, Twitter, and DMX Fan Club forums (until my account was involuntarily deactivated). I even wrote a letter to Penthouse asking for advice because I knew they had experience with pets, but they never published my letter or answered me (not counting the subscription request). Following are some of the experiences I’ve had with pets and animals over the past year, which is also an excerpt from my upcoming book, Fixing the Feng Shui in My Shorts: A Year of Brainsick Tweets from a Naive Idiot.


I need to get some herding dogs that know how to handle cephalopods because I’ve got a lot of squid and cuttlefish swimming loose in my pond.

Herding Cephalopods
My pet bird, Chet, keeps plucking itself. Feathers are everywhere! I glued most of them back on, though.

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