Haunted Pajamas
| 10.26.2011 | Posted by Dan Burt under Humor |
INT. BEDROOM — NIGHT
JASON and LAURIE sit side-by-side in bed against the headboard. Laurie reads a magazine, casually flipping the pages as Jason, in pajamas, fidgets, examines his pajamas, feels the buttons. Laurie notices.
LAURIE: Are you okay?
JASON (worried): I’m fine…it’s just…
LAURIE: What’s the matter?
JASON: I don’t know. There’s something odd about these pajamas.
LAURIE: Your pajamas? You worry about the stupidest shit.
JASON: I think they’re haunted.
LAURIE: Haunted?
JASON: Yeah, it’s just a weird feeling.
LAURIE: You’re weird.
JASON: I have proof they’re haunted.
LAURIE: Proof? Like what? They fold themselves? Because that’s me.
JASON: No, really. When I put them on, I make sure I button all the buttons But when I wake up, sometimes one of the buttons is unbuttoned. Not every time, but sometimes.
LAURIE (incredulous): Are you serious?
JASON: Spooky, isn’t it? Maybe it’s because I bought these at an estate sale, and the dude who wore them is dead…
LAURIE: You think some ghost is fucking with your pajamas.
JASON: I don’t know. But I know how to find out.
Jason jumps out of bed and rushes to the closet. He turns around holding a camera and tripod.
LAURIE: Oh no! No! No! We are NOT discussing this again.
JASON: But babe, I’m really concerned for our safety.
LAURIE: I’m really concerned for your sanity. We’re not making a sex tape.
JASON: Whoa…sex tape? Where did that come from?
LAURIE: You’ve only mentioned it every night for a month now.
JASON: I’m too terrified to think about sex.
LAURIE: So now you’re scared some dead dude’s after your pajamas. Two weeks ago, you wanted to set up the camera because you thought someone was trying to harpoon you in your sleep. Then, you were paranoid about rodeo clowns. Last night, you thought a rodeo clown was trying to harpoon you.
While Laurie talks, Jason sets up the camera, angling the device toward the bed. Peering through the camera viewer, Jason sees the open bedroom door to the left with the bed centered in the frame. Laurie stands at the foot of the bed, furious.
LAURIE: Are you even listening to me? What are you doing?
JASON: Sorry, but I have a serious investigation to conduct.
LAURIE: If you turn that goddamn camera on, I’LL harpoon you!
Jason secretly starts the camera and walks over to Laurie. He tries to hug her, but she pushes him away a couple of times. Finally, Laurie acquiesces, allowing Jason to wrap his arms around her.
JASON: There, there. I’ll protect you.
Jason and Laurie kiss, lightly at first then more passionately. All the time they are making out, Jason glances peripherally at the camera, trying to move both himself and Laurie in front of the camera. They continue touching each other, getting more and more aggressive. Laurie reaches below Jason’s waist.
LAURIE: Oh, what’s this? Forget about the haunting, I think there’s a monster in your pajamas!
They fall on the bed, rolling and groping. The couple flail around until Jason is facing toward the camera with Laurie on her back beneath him. Jason peeks at the camera, notices they are out of position. He tries to move them both, but Laurie pulls him down on top of her. He checks again. They are still slightly out of position.
Frustrated, Jason starts digging around in his pajama pants pocket. Laurie thinks Jason is removing his pajamas and begins taking off her top. When her top covers her face, Jason takes out the camera remote, (what Laurie thought was the “monster in his pajamas”) and points it at the camera. The moving camera on the tripod makes a CLICKING noise. Laurie freezes, the shirt still covering her face.
LAURIE: What the hell was that?
JASON: What?
LAURIE: That noise. What was that?
JASON: I didn’t hear anything.
Laurie pulls her shirt down and sees the remote in Jason’s hand. He also sees the remote and tries to hide it three seconds too late. She looks back at the camera and the flash POPS as Jason fumbles with the remote.
LAURIE: You are un-fucking-believable!
Laurie grabs a pillow and blanket off the bed and STOMPS out of the room. Jason watches her leave.
JASON (calling after her): Babe, what’s the matter? Is it the pajamas?
INT. BEDROOM — MORNING
Laurie walks in the room to the camera and takes it off the tripod, which is still angled toward the empty, unmade bed. She connects the camera to a computer setting on a nearby desk. Laurie watches the recording.
On the computer monitor, Laurie sees her and Jason grope each other, slightly out of frame. Jason moves his head into frame and looks directly at the camera. He struggles to move Laurie into position. The CLICKING camera shifts focus. Now Jason is in frame, pointing the remote at the camera while Laurie lies below him with her shirt pulled over her head, hiding her face.
Laurie stops watching. After picking up clothes from the floor, including Jason’s pajamas, she leaves.
INT. BEDROOM — LATER
In the empty room, the recording still plays.
On the computer monitor, pajama-clad Jason sleeps on the bed. Something STOMPS outside the room. Next to the bed in the doorway appears a rodeo clown holding a harpoon. He stares down at Jason. The clown lifts the harpoon, then gently leans it against the wall. He reaches down and unbuttons one of Jason’s pajama buttons. The clown retrieves the harpoon and leaves.
Shortly after the scene plays, Laurie returns to the room and notices the recording still playing on the computer.
On the monitor, she sees Jason sleeping.
She sits down at the desk and deletes the recording.
END
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