Fixing the Feng Shui in My Shorts Book Available

Fixing the Feng Shui in My ShortsFixing the Feng Shui in My Shorts: A Year of Brainsick Tweets From a Naive Idiot is a book for readers with short attention spans who like to laugh at inappropriate things. At times bawdy and sometimes naughty, it is a compilation of tweets and other posts (with pictures!) about some of my unbelievable experiences in the past year.

You’ll read all about my strange menagerie of pets (both animals and plants), my frustrating interactions with family and inanimate objects, and my many attempts to contribute to this great planet with my unusual inventions and ideas.

The book contains bizarre adult situations, naughty language, and implied sexual situations with a pumpkin.

Purchase the book at Amazon (Kindle, MOBI format) or Barnes and Noble (Nook, EPUB) or Smashwords (EPUB format).

If you don’t have a Kindle or nook or any other ereader, or want to read ebooks on other devices (e.g. Android phone or tablet, iPad, iPhone, Mac, Windows PC or tablet, BlackBerry, or Windows Phone, et al.), you can download and install the following reading apps:

Amazon Kindle

#TwitterFiction Festival 2014

I participated on the last day of the Second Twitter Fiction Festival,  12 – 16 March 2014. And by participated, I mean I posted a lot of tweets with the #TwitterFiction hashtag.

If I wrote erotic romance novels, I’d write a scene where one of my characters issues a lusty “Harrumph!” #TwitterFiction

Goddamnit, I’m calling animal control! For two mornings in a row, I’ve been butted in the crotch by feral goats. #TwitterFiction

For reasons unrelated to interior lighting fixtures, the neighborhood strumpet was known as the clapper. #TwitterFiction

I’m thinking of a number between 2 and 4. Okay, it’s pi, but I’m hungry. #TwitterFiction

Continue reading “#TwitterFiction Festival 2014”

Fixing the Feng Shui in My Shorts Excerpt

Fixing the Feng Shui in My ShortsSometimes pets and animals can be a pain in the ass. And when they are, I let everybody know about it. I post about it on Facebook, Twitter, and DMX Fan Club forums (until my account was involuntarily deactivated). I even wrote a letter to Penthouse asking for advice because I knew they had experience with pets, but they never published my letter or answered me (not counting the subscription request). Following are some of the experiences I’ve had with pets and animals over the past year, which is also an excerpt from my upcoming book, Fixing the Feng Shui in My Shorts: A Year of Brainsick Tweets from a Naive Idiot.


I need to get some herding dogs that know how to handle cephalopods because I’ve got a lot of squid and cuttlefish swimming loose in my pond.

Herding Cephalopods
My pet bird, Chet, keeps plucking itself. Feathers are everywhere! I glued most of them back on, though.

Continue reading “Fixing the Feng Shui in My Shorts Excerpt”